And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
