i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
