turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
