You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
