people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
