I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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