ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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