it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
