It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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