so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
