I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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