Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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