I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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