I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
