You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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