my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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