You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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