i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
vagina is talking i cant
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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