I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
