I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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