I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize