Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
