No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's like heaven, but drunker
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
and you fell through a lawn chair
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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