i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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