apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
