I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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