i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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