I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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