Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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