Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
