Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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