Your mouth is God's brothel.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
