I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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