Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
