I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
