I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
