It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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