you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
