glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
