It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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