Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
