Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
