we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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