Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
