But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
