I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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