So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
