If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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