Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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