and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
