I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
