She is in my trunk
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
