new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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