Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
