I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's blow job season.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
