Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
