why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
