Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
