Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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