At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.