And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are