went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today