Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.