The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.