So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.