i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.