you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
