guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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