If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
