The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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