bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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