My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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