did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
