There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
