Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
